A is for...

Go on! Jump in, y'all and get muddy!

Happy Wednesday, friends! How is your week going? I'm back at work today after a very pleasant and productive two days off (could use about 29 more to be honest). I've been in my head a lot these past several weeks. Even through the static and of-no-good-use derailment last week, I've had a lot floating around my head about my life, career, skills (or lack thereof), things I want to accomplish, fears, friends, family, BMI, money, recipes, apartment hunting...well, I could have stopped with "a lot of things" but I think you follow me.

I've mentioned before that I've been meditating. It helps tremendously for me, and yes it takes a bit of practice; but now I look forward to it everyday (especially my before work and after lunch mini-meditations). Since the derailment last week, I've been looking for ways to improve upon my mini-meditations and get more bang for my buck particularly when I'm stressed or in a work situation I don't care for. While searching, I stumbled upon an article in Mind, Body, Green. I like this website most of the time and I have found some pretty, shiny gems there rather regularly.

The 4 A's of Successful Meditation Practice caught my eye for obvious reasons and after reading it, I got to thinking a little bit about those 4 A's and what they really mean when it comes down to the nitty gritty stuff that comes up when left alone with one's thoughts. The 4 A's are as follows:

Awareness

Acknowledgment

Acceptance

Action

In regards to meditation, most people unfamiliar with the practice may be surprised at the depth of the psychological aspects that accompany it. For those who practice, whether you like it or not, you know you come face to face with a lot of things that have been rolling around your ole noodle waiting for a chance to be heard.

Never one to be afraid of my own emotional dust bunnies, I didn't fret about those things bubbling up to the surface as I'd had it happen in previous experiences with meditation (and I sincerely believe that working through that gunk and garbage is worth it). However, the sheer volume has been surprising! Nothing mind-blowing or anything. Just...life stuff.

All of this is to say, friends, that outside of the realm of meditation, one can apply this 4 A's to help with the gunkier more garbagey things in your life. Things like talking disparagingly about yourself or others, sabotaging your healthy goals, lashing out at people when you're upset with something else entirely, drinking to excess, dangerous addictive issues, withholding affection or gratitude for a vague sense of power...you get the picture. Deep down inside you are aware that these things exist within you (and are projected from you). No one is ever truly shocked to find out they do something that hurts themselves or others- there's a voice inside that can never really be shut up. It'll wake you up at 3 am and not allow you to sleep. Blame it on whatever, but eventually- you'll have to listen to that little voice and become aware of the bigger issues at hand.

Acknowledge that little bugger. It may be sitting in your living room for a little while. It'll feel like it's everywhere with you and that's because it is. Until you accept (and try forgiving) the part you played (or someone else did, if that applies) and accept that you are human and guess what? Humans make big stinking, smelly mistakes all day every day. It may not be okay what you're dealing with; but you can be okay with being healthier and happier despite it.

Then take action to change that shit.

Make an effort every day to alter the habits, dark words and thoughts, guilt, shame, and anything else you may be feeling from all that old crappy stuff. Make the littlest change a day, such as giving a compliment to someone when you'd usually keep it to yourself. Apologizing to someone you've hurt in the past, or choosing not to complain about eating this or that in your healthy-eating plan and instead close your eyes and identify the flavors you do like (in carrots for example). Be present in your life. Use those 4 A's to kick the troublesome issues of your big P (your past) right in the ass and out to the curb. Incinerate that nonsense with love, forgiveness and courage.

Working through major and minor emotional issues isn't easy. It can be ugly and you will have to allow yourself the fact that you are/will be vulnerable (and perhaps accept the vulnerability of others while you're at it). You will most likely have to make some big apologies to others and especially yourself. You will ugly cry like Sookie on True Blood (LOVE that ugly cry!). You may rage, you may scream at yourself in your car or at the sky. It's all good. Work through it. Crawl through it. Scrape through it. Then suddenly you'll find yourself in the clear. Aware of a new kind of peace and a bigger slice of happiness than you thought you could stomach beforehand.

Good luck friends. I'm doing it, you can too!

I hope you have a truly wonderful day!

Real thoughts on being present.

Great quote.

Happy Monday, y'all! I don't know about you, but I surely am not ready to get back into the swing of things. One day off just isn't enough in my book, but I shouldn't complain. That's one of my "vague" resolutions (I'm definitely going to need it to get through this week)!

Anyway, today I wanted to chat briefly about being present. It's a lot harder than those zen people make it seem like. I work hard on it and though I'm annoyingly observant and analytical; I still find myself falling short a lot. This is how I know (see if it rings any bells for you).

*I find myself getting into bed at night and feeling like I was just there. The day feels like a blur.

*I zone out while someone is speaking to me, even if I love them and/or what they're saying is completely interesting. Or I don't remember the drive home from work (yikes!).

*I escape. Netflix marathons are a biggie. Very long baths are another. Every now and then is perfectly okay, but sometimes those marathons or baths last a lot longer than they should.

*I react. "I'm bored, let's go eat out." "I know I have five loads of laundry to do, let's go to the book store or a movie instead." "I'm mad about something that happened at work, I'm going to take a ridiculously long bath and stew" (literally and figuratively). "Customers are annoying me, I'm going to go to the back office and occupy myself with something unimportant or not at all helpful." My mind can become full of white noise, and distraction becomes the go-to.

Instead of tackling things head on (which is the way I normally attempt to do things), I let them pile up or haunt me. I have a problem staying present sometimes. So, in case this is a problem for you too, here are some ways to help (and yes, I will take my own damn advice).

*Daily gratitude. Even just stealing a quiet moment at work in the loo to look at yourself in the mirror and say one thing you are more grateful for than mad at at the moment. "I am thankful that I put dinner in the crockpot this morning because I'll have a wonderful dinner to go home to in less than five hours. I'm going to put on some unbelievably comfy pajamas and kiss my dog on the head and eat that delicious dinner!" Sometimes that little reminder of something happy can get you through a lot of annoyance at work (or home or school or wherever you are). Reminding yourself of small greatnesses really can do wonders for you spirit and pop you right back into the moment where you belong.

*Time outside. Even five minutes. It's unbelievable how little time people devote to being outdoors these days. No wonder people can't wrap their heads around global environmental crises, they aren't spending time in the beautiful outdoors. Yes, and even though it's winter and cold, it still pays to be out in it for a few minutes a day (bundled up nicely, of course). I love to notice the minute changes in the seasons. Right now the trees are spindly and grey and make beautiful designs against the sky. And look up at the remainder of the Full Moon from Sunday. What a gorgeous silver pie! Laugh at the animals in your neighborhood. They can't help but be entertaining. Where I live there are birds everywhere right now, even the seagulls have come inland and are happily stealing bread from the ducks at the lake (who are getting sassy in return). Even if its just a moment, take that moment. Realign with yourself, with your spirit and with nature. It truly helps with priorities and presence.

*Have a cuppa. Take a few minutes to sit down with a nice cup of coffee or tea or warm water with lemon. Prepare it for yourself and focus on it. Be in the moment and enjoy it as you consume it. Sure your mind will wander, let it. If you sanction time to let it wander then it tends to wander less when you're actually needing it to focus.

*Write. Just jot down what's been going on in your day. Is it cold, rainy or lovely and sunny? Did you eat something scrumptious? Write it down. Remember it. Savour it. Did you have a quick breakfast with someone you love? What made you laugh? This ties in nicely with the gratitude bit too. It's amazing how it flows when you start to jot it all down. It doesn't have to be Shakespeare. No one ever has to read it but you. It can just be you and yours. And it will help you when you're feeling all "blurry" too (of course it will happen, you're human).

*Get some sleep. Go to bed early, don't play that next episode of Louie or Call the Midwife. Just wash your face, brush your teeth and get in that cosy bed. Get 8 hours, go ahead. Your body needs it, and your mind most definitely needs it too.

I hope this helps y'all a little. It's nothing new, no reinvention of the wheel. Just a few thoughts on caring for yourself and being present in your own life-- it's your show after all!! Enjoy it!

I truly hope you have a wonderful day!

Better late than never!

Snapshots of Wellness.

What a day, y'all! You know that saying "when it rains, it pours"? That has been my Monday and it was a tough one (the reason this post is 15 hours tardy...or 9 hours early, whatever). The fridge broke down in the middle of the night. I salvaged what I could. My gracious family let me use their fridges and freezers for our holiday meal ingredients. I set out to move said groceries to their safe havens during the only torrential part of the non-stop rain all day long. My husband spent hours seeing if he could fix it before calling our landlord who will send over his not-so-handy handyman after Christmas.

Remember that crazy-maker situation? That came to a head today. Two others came out of the woodworks as well. I had a stupid long night shift at work (from which I'm plum tuckered out) and tomorrow I have a stupid long early morning shift with no other managerial help until 530 or 6 but I'm not thinking of that at the moment.

I have pretty major PMS and there isn't enough chocolate or soft jammies or baby goat/otter videos in the world to help me retain a semblance of normality. I haven't been drinking for the past two weeks (just because) and today I could have used one. I'm kind of a mess.

To top it all off, one of my favorite singers of all time, Joe Cocker, passed away today. Out of all the stress and absurdity today, that's the only thing that actually made me cry.

But you know what? I'm totally fine.

I'm cool, yo; and have been laughing at it (mostly) all day. There were a few moments of anger in regards to the crazy-makers that put a burr in my saddle, but you know what I did? I went to work. I worked ridiculously hard and fast and knocked out most of the tasks I would have to be doing tomorrow morning (hell yeah!). My sweet friend came to work and brought me a lovely and thoughtful holiday gift bag (that may have brought a tear to my eye too). I got a few laughs and some great hugs from him, both of which I needed. Oh! I also got a handsome new nephew, Mannee (pronounced Manny), today. He was born this afternoon and didn't even look like a squishy pink toe or a conehead (like I did)! Then... then I came home and when I saw my puppy's sweet face, I instantly felt better. My blood pressure went down big time.

I'm going off to bed very very soon. Every inch of my body aches. But I'm good. And I'll be even better tomorrow.

In case your holidays are making you insane, read this article. It's got some actual helpful advice on keeping your zen while everything seems out to intentionally be wonky and out of whack.

Love, friends. Here's some Joe to send us off. Rest in peace, Mr. Joe.

Thoughts on crazy-makers, part 2

Christmas nuts made me laugh. And a few minutes on this site actually calmed me down quite a bit. 

Remember a few months back, I wrote about crazy-makers? Those people who, whether they mean to or not, have a tendency to create chaos wherever they go (because chaos is their normal and when it's peaceful they freak out thus keeping the cycle going).

As well-intentioned as it may be, my crazy-maker got in touch with me last night. She wants to meet up. Then this is what happened.

The people-pleaser in me thought: "Well, I don't want to be rude. We know all the same people yadda yadda yadda."

The internal introvert thought: "I just want to avoid all social contact outside my pre-selected few tribe members. No ______ allowed in my clubhouse!"

The wounded part of me thought: "There is a catch. There is always a catch. Don't let your guard down. The moment you do, the shoe will drop and you will be infuriated and/or hurt again."

Now even I have to admit, that last one surprised me. I'm a pretty optimistic person. I devil's-advocate my way through a lot of sticky situations. But I was a little sad that the loudest part of me was such a wounded part. I don't like to think that there is an imbalance inside that could go that negative at any moment.

I know I have to find a balance between those parts of myself and I'm embarrassed to say that may take me a few days (I'm so quick normally but totally blank out when put on the spot). I guess, I'm just sharing a human moment with y'all. Any advice on how to handle this in a way that will keep me from losing my cool the moment it starts going wonky? The only way I know how is to be honest. I'm told I can be too blunt (I don't mean to be) and I don't want to be because there is too much emotion backing this honesty. I don't want to accidentally be mean but i know myself. In emotional situations the filter comes off.

Sigh. I'll figure it out.

I hope you have a truly wonderful day!

P.S. Interesting article. 

Thoughts on Calm

Matisse.

I am an emotional sponge. If you are anywhere near me and are feeling wonky, even if you're excellent at covering it up, I'll feel it. I'll ask you one million times how you are feeling and if anything is wrong. It's super annoying, I'm aware. But to me, other people's feelings are amplified and visibly huge to me, like a drive-in movie screen is projecting over your head.

As humans, we all are like this though some people are excellent at deceiving themselves into thinking they are distracting themselves from it. Not true. There are a lot of mixed emotions flying around this time of year and if you don't deal with your stuff, it comes out in super weird and often grouchy ways.

Before you go out and about having contact with others, remember this: every person you speak to or are around has feelings too. Each person has their own crises and mixed emotions going on. Step outside of the chaos and snuggle into a cozy chair in your mind as you cross things off your to-do list. Be mindful of why you're doing it all, even if it seems a little overwhelming. Let mental armchair you guide you through your errands and chores and to-do lists instead of letting chaos, time-crunches, bitterness that your annoying <insert family member here> makes incessant comments of <insert loud and mostly fact-free ramblings on politics, religion or any other unnecessary table-talk here>, last-minute gifts, missing ingredients for the Thanksgiving meal etc. etc. etc. get the best of you.

I do this experiment regularly where I run an errand I don't particularly want to do. I make a point to do it with a (natural) smile on my face. Literally. If I'm having a hard time mustering one, I usually think of something like this. I am always amazed at how nicely people react to it. It begins a snowball of positivity. Helping an elderly person reach the so-and-so from the top shelf, letting someone with fewer items go ahead of you (what's the extra 2 minutes, really? No need to freak out about 2 frickin' minutes, y'all!), telling a harried mother that her kids are well-behaved or look nice in their outfits because she may be losing her damn mind at the moment but she did take the time to find purple mary-janes to match the girls' dresses, letting a manager know when you have a stellar customer service experience yadda yadda. You get my drift. Now try this while you're out doing your thing this week and leading up to your holidays and have it be proven to you. Taking a few extra seconds for others really changes you from the inside out and it's just as contagious as bad, angry, grouchy moods can be- only you look younger and feel better when you're smiling and making others smile too.

Go on with your badass selves, y'all! Spread the positivity everywhere you go. It's free! I guarantee it will come back to you tenfold.

Have a truly wonderful day!