Remember a few months back, I wrote about crazy-makers? Those people who, whether they mean to or not, have a tendency to create chaos wherever they go (because chaos is their normal and when it's peaceful they freak out thus keeping the cycle going).
As well-intentioned as it may be, my crazy-maker got in touch with me last night. She wants to meet up. Then this is what happened.
The people-pleaser in me thought: "Well, I don't want to be rude. We know all the same people yadda yadda yadda."
The internal introvert thought: "I just want to avoid all social contact outside my pre-selected few tribe members. No ______ allowed in my clubhouse!"
The wounded part of me thought: "There is a catch. There is always a catch. Don't let your guard down. The moment you do, the shoe will drop and you will be infuriated and/or hurt again."
Now even I have to admit, that last one surprised me. I'm a pretty optimistic person. I devil's-advocate my way through a lot of sticky situations. But I was a little sad that the loudest part of me was such a wounded part. I don't like to think that there is an imbalance inside that could go that negative at any moment.
I know I have to find a balance between those parts of myself and I'm embarrassed to say that may take me a few days (I'm so quick normally but totally blank out when put on the spot). I guess, I'm just sharing a human moment with y'all. Any advice on how to handle this in a way that will keep me from losing my cool the moment it starts going wonky? The only way I know how is to be honest. I'm told I can be too blunt (I don't mean to be) and I don't want to be because there is too much emotion backing this honesty. I don't want to accidentally be mean but i know myself. In emotional situations the filter comes off.
Sigh. I'll figure it out.
I hope you have a truly wonderful day!
P.S. Interesting article.
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