A Gossip Fast

Pssst.

Ugh. Gossip is the worst. I don't know one person who doesn't do it. Some of my guy friends are the worst culprits too, but I'm right up there and so are a lot of other women I know. A bit of news is one thing, but lately I've been noticing all the bad juju gossip coming out of people's mouths (mine included). I go through phases of noticing it too. Sometimes it just rolls right past me, other times I feel stuck in it like the tar sands.

It's human too, I've noticed. People need to feel connected and sometimes the quickest way to connect is to bash the same thing. Movies, etc. But- straight up gossip sucks. It's toxic and dangerous. I caught myself the other day making a little gossipy remark about a mutual someone and afterward I thought..."I should call (the friend I was gossiping with) and ask her not to mention what I said to anyone." How crappy is that?! I then scorned myself. If I'm worried about someone hearing my snarky opinion then I shouldn't be saying it all willy-nilly! Totally common sense, but I feel it is not at all common practice.

So, with that- I'm taking a gossip fast for one week. Everyday harmless chit-chat is fine, but if it turns ever so slightly to the "dark side" or if I'd be embarrassed if the person in question heard what I was saying then it's a no-go!

Do you think you could do it? I know a lot of people who say they don't gossip but I've heard them do it regularly! Being mindful of the effects of what we say is one way to control the overall ecosystem we choose to exist in. I'm all about the positive and healthy ecosystem so I'm working harder on my part of it. Care to join me? I'll write how it went for me after the one week is up (Wednesday the 11th)! Cheers!

I hope you have a wonderful day!

Thoughts on crazy-makers, part 2

Christmas nuts made me laugh. And a few minutes on this site actually calmed me down quite a bit. 

Remember a few months back, I wrote about crazy-makers? Those people who, whether they mean to or not, have a tendency to create chaos wherever they go (because chaos is their normal and when it's peaceful they freak out thus keeping the cycle going).

As well-intentioned as it may be, my crazy-maker got in touch with me last night. She wants to meet up. Then this is what happened.

The people-pleaser in me thought: "Well, I don't want to be rude. We know all the same people yadda yadda yadda."

The internal introvert thought: "I just want to avoid all social contact outside my pre-selected few tribe members. No ______ allowed in my clubhouse!"

The wounded part of me thought: "There is a catch. There is always a catch. Don't let your guard down. The moment you do, the shoe will drop and you will be infuriated and/or hurt again."

Now even I have to admit, that last one surprised me. I'm a pretty optimistic person. I devil's-advocate my way through a lot of sticky situations. But I was a little sad that the loudest part of me was such a wounded part. I don't like to think that there is an imbalance inside that could go that negative at any moment.

I know I have to find a balance between those parts of myself and I'm embarrassed to say that may take me a few days (I'm so quick normally but totally blank out when put on the spot). I guess, I'm just sharing a human moment with y'all. Any advice on how to handle this in a way that will keep me from losing my cool the moment it starts going wonky? The only way I know how is to be honest. I'm told I can be too blunt (I don't mean to be) and I don't want to be because there is too much emotion backing this honesty. I don't want to accidentally be mean but i know myself. In emotional situations the filter comes off.

Sigh. I'll figure it out.

I hope you have a truly wonderful day!

P.S. Interesting article. 

Thoughts on manners...

Thank you.

I'm no Emily Post. I have many a cringe-worthy "manners moment" tucked away in the shame file. I more than once have written dozens of thank you notes, stamped and addressed them and...never mailed them. I'm not proud of it, and the point is we all have one or two of those gaps in our etiquette that we work to remedy (some of us do anyway).

All I'm saying is this: just because we are harried this holiday season doesn't mean we should neglect our manners. Say please and thank you (and excuse me!). Open a door for someone, don't tailgate- even if you're running late (that's your issue not theirs). Call someone back in a timely manner if only to say "I'm sorry I couldn't make it to your cocktail party, thank you so much for inviting me!" yadda yadda yadda. It is but the work of a moment and really does make a difference in people's lives and perspectives (and how they view you- that's a biggie).

I hope y'all all have such a nice holiday weekend! And y'all...don't forget to walk those damn thank you notes to the mailbox! Learn from my missteps so you don't look like a total booger!!!

Be blessed!