A funny thing happened on the way to the theatre...

Aquarius.

Now y'all know I've been analyzing things a bit lately. Yesterday I happened upon some information about Aquarians (I happen to be one) and I started laughing out loud and nervously adjusting an invisible tie. A lot of the things I've been trying to work through and deal with (in my attempts at growth and healing), were written right there before my eyes!

I've always kind of listened with one ear to astrology. It's fun and interesting but it isn't for everyone. Anyway, I about fell out of my chair as I read description after description (some not so nice) of my personality and some of the traits I've had troubles with. Here are a few for your enjoyment too (especially if you know me or any other Aquarians):

*"When an Aquarian stresses out about having too much to do, they typically step aside and do nothing at all." I'm super guilty of that and totally have written about it on this very blog!

*"Aquarians hate mind games. Just be straight-up with them." That is currently one of my issues with one of the situations I mentioned on Tuesday's post for heaven's sake! I get so pissed off when people play games. Passive-aggression grinds my gears like nothing else because to me, the games are so blatantly obvious and infuriating and worthless!

*"Aquarians are the most determined when it comes to honesty. If they catch you in a lie, they won't stop until they know the truth." I would add to that we also don't ask a question if we aren't prepared for the honest (sometimes painful) truth and we expect the same (perhaps unfairly sometimes) from the people we engage.

*"Aquarians will do the opposite of what you tell them to do, just to show you who's in control." I will add to that statement: "Unless we smell a trap. Then we just do whatever the hell we wanted to in the first place." We are a "special" group. And that control thing? I've totally done it in varying shades.

*"Aquarians love pleasing others, but you should expect to return the favor. They [deeply] value being treated the way they treat others." Oh yeah. The golden rule, man. It's important!

*"They find humor in a lot of things. Their funny bone gets tickled pretty easily." That could not be more true. I literally giggled as I typed this sentence.

*"Aquarians don't use the terms 'trust' or 'friend' loosely." We give a lot of chances, but when you're out yo, you are out. Period. We'll be civil, but the hands are washed, man.

*"Aquarians are more ruthless than they let on." Yep.

*"When an Aquarian gets mad, no one is safe." It takes a lot to make me mad and when I am...well, I've been told I look like the devil.

*"Aquarians will hide their jealousy. It's weakness in their eyes." I totally slapped my forehead on that one. I've never thought about it like that before but it is exactly how I view jealousy...and big, boastful egos while we're on about it!

*And here's the clincher for me, because it is absolutely my biggest pet peeve and I get all weird when it happens. "Being ignored by someone who's attention means the world to you is the worst feeling." I would add to it that "ignored" really isn't the term I'd use. It's more like if I'm speaking to you and you don't listen or tune me out, it affects us more deeply than it would anyone else [aka a normal person]."


I have to be honest, it was hard to read all the non-flattering descriptions and have them ring very true. I had a few uncomfortable "aha" moments. There were more that I didn't even want to post. But all in all, it was an interesting discovery and it's had me thinking a lot about my current trying situation (mentioned Tuesday) and about how I can handle these traits of mine that are very real and not always pleasant for others to be around. How I can handle my end of the situation in a better way.

It was also a much-needed boost to hear the positive things too. Things about being loyal, honest, truthful, sincere, and loving much more deeply than we sometimes can show. There's a lot going on in my brain and my heart and I just want to do the best and be the best me I can be.

What about y'all? Any Aquarians out there that can relate to any of those descriptions (be honest with yourself!). What sign are you and do you agree with the descriptions of traits? Do you think it's all hogwash? Do you have to admit that every now and then it hits the nail on the head? I'd love to know!

And while I'm at it, y'all, a reminder that it's okay to dig through the uncomfortable, ugly and sticky parts of our personalities. It's important to learn from mistakes, mend things and grow. Be good to yourselves and others. It's as simple as that! I truly hope you have a wonderful day!

Thoughts on Loving Yourself & A Bizarro Scenario

Usually I let Thursday and Friday's posts get a bit frothy because we're inching tantalizingly close to the weekend, however today I just wanted to chat.

I don't know about y'all, but I am pretty damn hard on myself. I come by it honestly, and sometimes it has served me well. There have been times I knew I was better than a crap job, or crap friendship, or crap relationship. There are times that little voice said I really should be closer to a 4.0 GPA than I was (and I got there).  I held myself to a standard.

This voice, however, this one that tells me to push harder, be better, kinder, gentler, eat better, exercise more, not to bitch so much, get more sleep, yadda yadda yadda...It can get dark. It can be a real destroyer.

That voice has told me that my writing isn't good enough. The one thing that makes me happier than anything. It tells me that I should be further along in my career, that I should have more money saved and less debt. This voice has compared my accomplishments, or lack thereof, to others'. That voice that says I'm getting old or I'm a bad Mama to my dogs, that I haven't had babies yet or this or that. That voice I hear all the bloody time.

I'm a smart girl. Woman now I guess, if you want to get technical about it. I am smart enough to know all of this comes from a lot of places. There are the outside influences, of course. However, it's the inner ones I want to grab by the ear and sit the hell down for a good talking to. This is what I want to say to that Little Shit Voice:

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Me: Hey, you little shit. Yeah, you- the one who whispers stuff into my ears while I sleep and wakes me at three a.m. to review every bad life choice I've ever made. I know the things you tell me already, I don't need your crappy reminders."

LSV (Little Shit Voice): But you could be so much better if you just weren't so awful.

Me: I'm not awful.

LSV: You can be.

Me: Everyone can be. It's called being a human.

LSV: But you need to be better than that.

Me: Better than human? Um...like Wonder Woman?

LSV: You can always be better. I think you are lazy. I think all the bad things that people have said about you and all the things they say behind your back are true. You know you aren't as special as you think. Just think of all the horrible things you have said and done in your life! All the time you've wasted! All the stupid choices!!!

Me: Trust me, I have. But, those things aren't all of me. I know I'm good- because I work at being good every day. I know I have a lot of love to give because I try to show it every day. I know what it feels like to have your day made brighter by a stranger, so I try to do that for others.

LSV: Blah blah blah. It's not enough.

Me: I love myself more than you hate me.

LSV: But...

Me: No matter what you say, I still love myself more than you hate me. And you shouldn't hate me anyway- you're a piece of me. You are fear and regret and hurt feelings. You are insecurity and pain and so much loss. You are the pieces of my heart that broke off over the years. It's okay to feel all of it, but please don't turn it to vinegar and try to poison me. I can't let it pour out of me, it could spillover and hurt someone else. I can't do that. It hurts enough inside.

LSV: But...

Me: But nothing. I'll never get better if you keep tripping me up. Life is too short for this nonsense. I'm strong as shit. I've been through so much garbage and yes, I created some of it. But, I have a big heart always keen to love more. I want to make the world a more beautiful and positive place than it was when I got here. You get me?! I love myself more than you can ever hate me. You hear me , Little Shit Voice? Hello? Hey- where'd you go?
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Weird, right? I know it seems nuts to type out and publicly post a fake dialogue between your inner voices. I really get that. I don't care though. I didn't know what my insides were going to say until I typed them out. I surprised and impressed myself a little actually. Who knew my positive inner voice had such ovarian fortitude?!

What would your inner voices say if given a chance for dialogue? Be honest. It can be pretty harsh. Would you tell your critic to go screw off and leave you alone? Would you coddle that inner cattle prod? I know I have in the past. I know many who do. They always seem unhappy.

Sometimes it seems easier to hate yourself than to stand proudly up for yourself. It may be easier to slump than stand up straight, but trust me- it's worth the fight. It's worth the tears and the sweat and the scraped knuckles.

Stand up for the good, sweet, loving, kind, badass individual that is you. Stand up and fight for him/her. Every damn day. All day. Know you are worth the love, even if you feel it from nowhere else but inside of you. Know that even if you don't see it or feel it all around you yet, it is out there and it will find you and wonderfully encompass you if you let it. It's all around us and its radiating from inside the hearts and spirits of everyday people fighting and scraping against the voices and odds and poisons too. Just like you.

Love on, and love hard y'all. Start inside. Start today, this very moment. I promise I'm right here with you.

I truly hope you have a wonderful day!

Love Yo'self!

Image courtesy of SFL

This week has been a successful self-care week for me. All the things I say I'm going to do or yearn to do to better care for myself, I've actually attempted. Yay! I've been rummaging through my archives online and found loads more awesome things we can do to show our bodies and spirits that we love them.

Our bodies take a beating in so many ways. Even things we can't see, like sun damage, electromagnetic energies, radiation- they are bombarding our bodies 24/7. Our spirits take a pounding from internal and external forces as well. Sometimes our inner voice is far more cruel than anything coming at you from others. Sometimes we are stuck in unhealthy situations at work or in relationships that can slowly but surely erode ours spirits.

Take control. No one will swoop in and save you. You must care for yourself. Your vessel, your heart, your spirit are all under your guardianship. Honor them in every way you can. You are worth the effort. Here are a few new ideas to help you along!

*I drink apple cider vinegar every day in a glass of pure cranberry juice and dandelion root tea. It makes my hair shiny and my skin all glowy. Here's 10 other ways to use it!

*Eat these fresh and fruity salsas while the produce is still so fresh and delicious!

*I'm saving my pennies for a jar of this stuff, but I'm trying this in the meantime.

*Tapping for stress relief. Intriguing!

*I think I'm going to make this sometime next week. Not necessarily for the hair loss, but it sounds so luxurious! Do you think you would try it?

*I've had stretch marks since I was thirteen. Yay, genetics! I think I'm going to give this a whirl too. Hope is a beautiful thing, isn't it?

*The one thing my husband and I always try to do for ourselves is keep nice candles in the house. Is that silly? Maybe. But, there is something about it that makes us feel like we are really on the path we want to be (after years of tough times). We don't go shopping, we rarely go out to eat, haven't been to a movie in three years...yet, we procure one nice, lovely-smelling candle every other month or so to keep a peaceful ambiance in the house. I have the Marine scented version of this right now and I absolutely love it.

Do y'all have any self-care secrets or treatments or things you do to show yourself love? I'd like to hear them!

I hope you have a truly wonderful day!

Spread the Love.

Happy Pig courtesy of nayamina.

Wednesdays are unique. You're half thrilled that the workweek is over, but kind of "blech" that there are still two days left. I feel it is sometimes overlooked as something you have to get through. I don't even have a regular work week yet I always find myself in that funny "Wednesday Place", thinking I can see light at the end of the tunnel. I think Wednesday is a good day to take inventory of your week. See where you may have fallen off the bandwagon and make a few changes to boost your good vibes.

Have you fallen into any negativity traps? Have you had successes?! Either way, use this time to realign yourself on the positivity tracks and/or celebrate your victories. Here are some ways you can put some good out there and help others in need. Remember, every little thing makes a difference, even just $5.

*Turnip the Beet Farm was featured here several weeks ago! They're almost to their goal! Help them out! Yay! That's so exciting!

*Help the residents of Sasha Farm Sanctuary & Safe Haven for Animals! You can even sponsor an animal like Rosie the Emu, Precious the Pig, or Johan the Mule. I think I may just do that. I can't resist those little faces!

*Best Friends Animal Society. A way to save homeless pets. Save them all.  It's a really beautiful organization and, like SASHA, you can sponsor an animal- even ones with special needs. I've been quite moved spending time on their page.

*Help Clinton & George find a home. What strong and resilient boys indeed. Wow.

*Help keep a roof over Kristal's head in Ahoskie, North Carolina.

*One last gift for Nurse Amy.

I hope you have a truly wonderful day!

Little Victories

An old picture of me and my baby love. He was five then, his tenth birthday is in 20 days! They grow up so fast! 

Mondays can feel brutal. I think sometimes its quite a good idea to celebrate little victories; things that normally could have ruined your day but you chose not to let them. You chose instead to be proactive, or even less reactive (in some cases). I thought it'd be encouraging to list a few of my little victories in hopes to inspire you to take notice of yours. Too often we take notice of the things that go wrong instead of all the things we do right or better or more peacefully; but those little things add up so quickly! Please share some of your little victories with me, I would genuinely love to know!

*I accidentally gave myself a paper cut at work the other day. Yes I yelled "Fuck ME!!" super loudly in the back office. Then I took a moment and just looked at my surroundings. I was rushing like mad for no real reason. There was no time limit on my task and yet I was plowing it through it when I didn't need to. A bad habit I've picked up, I guess, somewhere along the line. So, you know what I did? I slowed the hell down. I made sure I was doing my task correctly, not just quickly and it saved my sweet little digits more abuse (and possibly even prevented some errors). It didn't even take that much more time, but it my dear friends, was a little victory for me.

*I didn't eat all the peanut butter M&M's. Was I PMSing? Oh yes. Could I have eaten a chocolate covered foot at that point? Um, probably! But I didn't. I grabbed a handful and ate them while rolling my eyes to the back of my head and making obscene sounds. Then I left the rest for some other moment of need. I don't know about y'all but that's one heck of a victory in my book! And that handful of candies, tasted better than that whole bag would have- I'm sure of it.

*Instead of going straight upstairs to work on yet another task or fold laundry or get my stuff ready for work the next day; I stopped on the stairs and called to my pup. He's almost ten, but he's forever my baby. I felt I hadn't been paying him enough attention lately. So I sat on the stairs and played with him. I buried my face into his little sweet-smelling, super-soft fur and gave him so many kisses he was like "Aw Moooomm, stahp!!!" But he loved it. I loved it. We played tug of war with his favorite toy. It took about five minutes. It would have been five minutes without him I would have missed one day. That is a victory and oh, I love that little boy so much it aches!

Funny how little victories can seem so very big after all, no? What are some of yours? I'd love to know!

I truly hope you have a wonderful day!